I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
