My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
