I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
