I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
