im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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