No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
