im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
