Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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