haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
