whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
