Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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