I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
