I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
