it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
