a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
