i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
