Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
