in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
