Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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