Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
