oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
