I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
