TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
