I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he thought i was a dude.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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