btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
