Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had to cum in my sink.
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