i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
