whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
