There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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