Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
