She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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