Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
