If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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