Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
