I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
