I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
