p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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