Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
