Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
