Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
