There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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