I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
