I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
