I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
