I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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