Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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