You work out of a Hotel?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
