Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
