Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
