when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
