My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
