Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
