Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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